Honestly, I had to read the chapter on integral assessment and loving kindness numerous times before I kind of "got it", I basically must assess myself first, find out what my strengths and weaknesses are and then develop each area from the ground up. Check. Or what? Well ok, maybe I am not quite 100% certain just yet, but I am on my way to slowly understanding the process. It just seems like so much (time-consuming) work to sift through all of these layers of my psyche and one has to wonder, when will it end and do I really have to ponder this?
I never claimed to be a great thinker, I mostly do things that come naturally to me, so when I attempted to perform the loving kindness exercise it really took me several trials, I could never remember what I was supposed to ask next and keeping my eyes open and reading the page seemed like I cheated. The exercise asked us to get our minds and bodies into a natural state of rest and mentally repeat four phrases for 10 minutes, among them asking to free all individuals from suffering, as well as for them to find sustained health, happiness and wholeness. Furthermore I was to offer assistance in the same aforementioned matters. I hate to even admit this, but I feel like I am not really any good in asking for the spiritual health and happiness of people I don't know. I felt like I was faking it, but I realize I wouldn’t feel this way if I did this for people I know. For some reason I find it hard to wrap my mind around the notion, that my fervently thinking about others will make a hill-a-bean a difference to them. I also did not feel much different at all after I was done, rather puzzled somehow and a little frustrated.
This is where my internal assessment comes in I believe, I can see exactly that while I am good at relaxing my mind and body (most of the time), and good at including people I know in my meditations, I am not developed enough yet in my spiritual journey to fully and wholeheartedly include strangers. I know that this is a matter of development and advance and will be attained with practice and time. I suppose I need to practice more and schedule times to advance my knowledge. I was especially enthralled to read about the peak experiences. Dacher (2006) states that peak experiences are fleeting and that if we want more of them we must revisit these situations, which will lead to a dependence upon outer sources for peak pleasure experiences. I drew personal parallels on this issue, I was reminded of my fitness and bodybuilding journey, I used to rely on competitions to give me the thrill and the sense of achievement I sought, I felt like I was at the height of my game yet, when a certain event had come and gone I felt empty and left out, flailing about without focus or goal. Once I understood this about myself I realized that I had to develop other parts of me that were thus far untapped. This is when I decided to return to school and truly learn about things that were interesting to me; I found that I am passionate about nutrition, health and wellness. I am trying to further my level of education, as well as my understanding and spiritual well-being by engaging my mind and spirit, while continuing to train and pursue a fit life as part of a healthy regimen. Overall I am trying to round things out, in order to bring about human flourishing within myself.
So for the time being I am going to try and find more time for meditating, I will continue to practice mindfulness, I will engage myself in environmental issues near and dear to my heart, I will learn more about the nutritional aspects of health, I will share my knowledge with family and friends and with that I am sure that one day, once I round out my knowledge and affirm my own spiritual self, I can and will find fulfillment in asking in meditation for the well-being, happiness and health of anyone on Earth.
All at the same time: Beautiful Rainbows...
...and fiery skies!
Dunja :)
References:
Dacher, E. S. (2006). Integral health: The path to human flourishing. Laguna Beach: Basic Health Publications Inc.
Hello again, I really enjoy reading your posts they are interesting and thoughtful. You seem to be a great writer! i personally do not find the repetition of the exercise to be very relaxing. It is rather annoying in fact. I like to relax and meditate on things I read in my Bible and pray, then sit in my meditative state listening to God. I care about others but I am naturally a kind, loving person so this is not something I have to convince myself about. (like in the repetitive words of the exercise)I need to focus on spending more time on myself and right now between the job I have, school and my kids this seems impossible. I have always worked out and right now I do not have the time or energy. This should all change when I graduate in June!
ReplyDeleteOMG! Dunja
ReplyDeletePutting on the mask! Going through the motions! Pretending! Acting as if! Never have been a big fan of, and yet acronym (your, eligible, too) constantly reminds me of how selfish I really am. I can’t express my gratitude to a loving caring and I have to include tolerant power greater than myself for not keeping score! Let’s call it like it is there are some real ignoramuses’ out there and here is the sad part I’m told to love them because it is easy to love those like myself and they are someone’s baby, just like me. If I really want to receive those things I think I’m entitled to in my relationship with this progression to perfect I should petition a GOD of my own understanding to give my enemies those very things! I claim shenanigans!
Peace
Vinnie