We were instructed to begin by relaxing and focusing on taking deep breaths, acknowledging passing thoughts, yet making ourselves return to our "anchor", being our breaths. Once we found our mind relaxing we were to ease up on the focus on the breath and I found that at this point in my practice the other noises around me had faded in the background, quite a feat as I had kids watching TV, my husband playing computer games and my dog tossing his toy around. I somehow found myself really tuned in and mindful in a subtle way. It felt like what was going around me registered, but somehow didn't effect me significantly in that I did not think about it, or debate it, or mind it - in one word I felt peaceful.
Admittedly, when it comes to thoughts I am a "clinger", not a "witness" - it is second nature to me to debate every issue and thought in my life, an obstacle in terms of trying to become more centered and balanced. Today I felt for the first time though that it is actually possible to let go of thoughts and not let them affect me too deeply, rather to witness than to involve myself. In the end I felt so relaxed and almost questioned whether I was awake or sleeping during the exercise. In contrast to last week's loving kindness exercise I found that I was much more relaxed, because I was not asked to constantly evaluate something or replace thoughts, in fact I was only asked to let go of my thoughts, focus on my breathing and to still my mind, which I was fully able to do. The subtle mind practice was much more my style in terms of meditations, when I think of meditating I want to quiet my always busy mind and bring my body to a state of rest. In comparison to last weeks' exercise, I did not feel as if I was a failure this week to describe it rather dramatically.
I feel that my personal spiritual wellness had been neglected for a long time, partially due to a lack of knowledge. These days I realize that my mental and physical wellness very much hinges upon my spiritual well-being, I attain spiritual well-being not only by meditating, but also through the experienced happiness and wholeness in my family and marriage, through taking time for myself by reading books, and through the interaction with good friends. In taking care of my spiritual needs I have found it easier to function and thrive physically and with that I am much more sharp, yet at ease mentally. These three aspects truly belong together for me, I am glad to have realized this a while ago.
My mind felt like this today...
Dunja :)
Dunja,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I just have to mention that I noticed you were born in Germany and moved to the US later on. I'm an immigrant, so sometimes I feel really alone in the world of school. I'm not from Germany, but it's nice to know that someone else is from someplace else :) And, I love that picture. One thing I do enjoy about the exercises these last two weeks are the waves in the background. Waves are very calming to me, the ocean is the most soothing place to me even when it's rough. But even waves on a lake will suit when there's no ocean around; like in Kansas.
I enjoyed this exercise much more than I did the other. I felt so stressed last week in the exercise that I didn't get much out of it except a feeling of embarrassment, stress and shame that I had such a hard time with it. This exercise was almost just what I needed - to let go. It felt ok that my mind did it's own thing, and I knew how to bring it back because it gave instruction. As a psych major, the mind-body connection thing isn't new, but like you, I feel like I've neglected this spiritual side mostly because of the lack of knowledge I had of it.
Seven,
ReplyDeleteI feel you, it can get a bit lonely when you are actually from another country, I felt like this in the past before, especially when my friends share stories about their childhoods and I can't chime in, traditions I grew up with that now nobody knows about, language issues (although it's not a barrier for me, rather sad because I don't speak German as often as I'd like), the kind of music I love, food I love, the list is endless. True, I have made wonderful friends, create a family and love my new country and wouldn't have it any other way, but often I feel and am different. I too love the ocean, I think it goes back to my childhood and the vacations my parents took us to, we endlessly played and I remember my world being at complete peace. I can find comfort in many tranquil settings, but the ocean is my favorite.
Dunja :)
I am the same way when it comes to thoughts: a "clinger." I really have been trying so hard these past few weeks to focus, if only on ONE thing, is to learn to let my thoughts float by and not analyze and obsess over every single thought. Over the past year things have happened that have really messed with my "inner peace." Mostly, it was just a very jealous girl who lives a sad life and takes that out on others around her. I've spent so long being bothered by my thoughts, by things that I should have let go of so long ago, and Im really ready for that peace to come back.
ReplyDeleteI haven't done this exercise yet (today is my day I get some "peace and quiet" from my children) but this post makes me feel confident that there is hope of finally detaching and letting go.
Liz
Hello Dunja, I too questioned my wakefulness. I seriously almost fell asleep as this exercise reminds me of an exercise I do to fall asleep at night when I cannot get my mind to stop chattering or mulling over what I need to do the next day. It was relaxing, almost too much for me as now I want to go back to bed again. I just got up a couple hours ago, maybe this would be a great exercise for the evening after I get off of work or after an extremely stressful day.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit this exercise was much easier than the last as I did not need to focus on anything but the breathing and was able to get go and witness.I agree with you that not having to evaluate or think about a time when something or someone had an effect on me was much more conducive to success in this exercise.
Great Post!
Dunja,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this exercise as well. Like you, I am a "clinger" and I found that focusing on my breathing really helped to stop that habit during the exercise. I usually have a hard time falling asleep at night because I cannot turn off my brain. With this exercise, I think I might actually be able to fall asleep instead of tossing an turning. I am glad that you had a good experience with this exercise too.